Straight jacket police... keep on walking!

Let me just preface this long exhausting story by saying that I am not crazy! You'll see...

The parts department at our local Mazda dealership and the body shop fuckers think I'm a stankin loon!

Why you may ask? Let's just say when I dropped my car off to get a new bumper put on it (from being rear-ended late last year), I had duel exhaust. When I picked up my car, I had single exhaust. I didn't notice this until last weekend... I'm that observant. I called the body shop and told them what was up and pretty much accused his people of being shady and putting the wrong bumper on. He called the Mazda people and asked if they sent the wrong bumper according to my VIN number and they said no - it wasn't possible. He told me to bring my car in and he'd take a picture and show Mazda... if in fact I was right. I showed up and when they went to take a picture the dude looked under my car and told me I have single exhaust, there is no exhaust pipe on the right side of my car (like there used to be). "Um... I had duel exhaust when I dropped my car off, I'm not crazy." I was dumbfounded and left. They think I've just plum lost my ever lovin' gord. Even the girls at work - my BEST friends - thought I was huffin clue.

I had no clue why I no longer had duel exhaust, so I just assumed the bastards cut off my pipe because they ordered the wrong bumper or something and didn't want to eat the money and order the correct one. I got home later that day and looked under my car... no exhaust pipe and there was no place for the pipe to be. Am I crazy? Is this a conspiracy? Why would the body shop people change my exhaust system? What the fuck is going on here!!??

I was bound and determined to prove that I wasn't crazy. Yes, Punky believed me and said she remembered seeing my duel exhaust too. So, that did help. But I couldn't stand to have the 2% chance that I was certifiable. So... I remembered that I received a ticket from the turnpike authority 2 years ago for evading the toll (I didn't evade the toll... the damn machine ate my money and wouldn't give me a flippin green light so I said screw you and went on). I found my paper that had the picture of the back of my car. SHIT FUCK DAMN! The picture was in B&W and all you could really see was my license plate because the clarity sucked. That was no good! Brilliant me emailed the turnpike people and asked that they send me a color copy or at least a clear copy. Check this out - I got an email response back the following day and they are going to mail me the actual picture!! It will be in B&W, but at least it won't be a photo copy! How sweet is that. Hopefully that will prove to all the bitches out there who don't believe a fucking word I say!

After searching on the internet trying to plug my VIN number anywhere that would accept it, I didn't find any records of my car showing the nitty-gritty stats. So, I called the Mazda dealership. I was promptly transferred to the parts dept manager, who knew me by name (thanks to the body shop devil who I'm certain is trying to turn the world against me). He was very patient with me and was trying not to laugh when he told me that Mazda 3's have NEVER been made with duel exhaust. WTF! Give me an answer I can use here. He said he would check back in the records of when I bought my car to see if the previous owner tricked out my car. It was possible he said. He later called and said there was no record of anything being modified.

Well... I did more searching on the net and found that some idiots like to put a fake exhaust pipe on the back of cars to make them look cooler. Uh - who the fuck does that?? Why do those stupid fuckers do that? Why do those fuckers want to make me look like an idiot to dozens of people? That has to be it! There is no other explanation for having 2 exhaust pipes on my car to having only one.

My question is... when the fuckers at the body shop took my old bumper off and went to put the new one on, did they not see the fake pipe and the bumper cut out where the pipe was? Did they not see that some idiot did a custom job and added some flare to an already cool car? I know they saw it. They probably said well shit, we've already painted this bumper so maybe she won't notice since it's fake anyway. Sure as shit it took me 2 months to notice it. I'm going to wait on the pic from the turnpike people and take that in there. Make those sons of bitches put the same kind of bumper on. Who do they think they are messing with! I'll rip your damn balls off if you try to screw me! So there.

to be continued...