Crazies...

I think it would be fun to start talking about some of the crazies that come into my office. I might need to make a habit of it :)

Today was NOT the day to piss me off. For starters I've been fighting this stupid cold for days and when I'm sick, I'm not known to be extra nice. So anyway... here are some of the things I have to deal with on a daily basis.

Today:

In order to work for my client, our associates have to pass a reading and math test. Stupid I know, but that's just the way it is. All they have to get is 6th grade level, soooo easy! 'MB' came in to do new hires and take the test. As I was grading it, I thought... was this a 5 year old answering these questions or is it just me? He failed miserably...didn't even get 2nd grade level on the reading. He got 4th grade on math. Not a shocker there since most people don't get above 10th grade on the math portion. I brought him back to my office and this is what went down:

Me-Uh, did you even try?
MB-Try what?
Me-The math and reading test. Did you even read the stories?
MB-No. I don't like to read.
Me-You don't like to read? Did you not think it was important to read the stories before you answered the questions?
MB-I don't like to read. It's boring.
Me-It's boring!!! Are you kidding me!? You have to read the stories before you answer the questions.
MB-Do I have to pass that test to work at ____?
Me-Yes. And you failed both the reading and math test.
MB-But I just quit my other job for this one.
Me-Well you should have thought about that before you decided not to follow directions.
MB-But I quit my job. What am I going to do now?
Me-I'm sorry, that's not my problem. If you can't follow simple instructions like reading a story and answering questions, there is no way you can follow the instructions at ____.
MB-Can I take the test again?
Me-No you may not. You have already wasted my time and yours already.

That dude lingered around the lobby for like 20 minutes. Telling everyone he could that he didn't get the job at ____ because he didn't pass the math test. Good lord. I never even got to the math portion with him. So... that was idiot #1.

Idiot#2
This one didn't piss me off so much as he's just an idiot. I had him come in for new hires and the tests. He started off sitting at the table like normal, then about 2 hours later (yes 2 hours! It only takes maybe an hour tops to do the test) I walked into the lobby and he was laying on the sofa (on his stomach) hanging off the side so he could do the test on the end table! WTF! Did you just pop out of your mothers womb and bypass the smarts??

Me-Are you comfortable?
Him-Yes (grins) This is very comfortable.
Me-You're doing new hires for ____ right?
Him-Yes. This stuff it sure is not easy.
Me-You need to get up and sit at the table to do your test.
Him-But this is comfy. (as he grins)
Me-Are you kidding me!? (that seems to be my favorite word anymore) This is not your living room - go sit at the table!

I couldn't look at him anymore after that because I was going to start cracking up laughing. What kind of idiot comes in for a job and lounges around like he owns the place. I mean HELLO!?!?!?! I got a message from our receptionist that (after him being there 3 hours) he said he couldn't finish the test. It was too hard, he is LD. Ok... so I feel a little bad because he was LD. Poor thing probably didn't know better. In that case, let me find his parents and kick the shit out of them! But still... LD or not, isn't it common sense to put your best foot forward when you're applying for a job. I don't care if you're applying to shovel shit, you better come in looking nice and have a firm handshake. (There's nothing worse than shaking a wet, limp hand)

Idiot#3
She's not so much an idiot, but she pissed me off. I orientated a woman yesterday to start work tonight at ____. I went over all of the requirements, as well as the dress code. Easy... jeans and a long sleeved shirt. She had no problems when she left. She called me today right before I left:

Her-Um... Can I wear a long skirt to work? One that's so long it almost touches the ground. It will be ok, it's almost like pants except that it's open at the bottom and it doesn't even have a slit in it.
Me-No. You have to wear pants.
Her-Well I thought if I called ____ and asked them they might let me wear a skirt.
Me-No. You have to wear pants. It's required by the health department. Are you needing to wear a skirt because of your religion?
Her-Yes. I can't wear pants.
Me-Don't you think this would have been a good thing to bring up yesterday when I gave you the orientation for ____?
Her-Well I thought that if I called them they might let me.
Me-No. You have to wear pants. I'm sorry. You're not going to be able to work there.
Her-Are you sure? What if I call them? Maybe they would say it was ok.
Me-NO!YOU HAVE TO WEAR PANTS! They will not make an exception just for you. It is a code violation.

HELLO! What part of "You have to wear pants" didn't she understand? The kicker is... she wore sweats when she came into my office! She sat in the chair with her legs gaping open like Al Bundy off Married With Children, minus the hand in the waist band of course.

This is just a taste of what I deal with on a daily basis. You'd think I would stop being shocked with the things I see and hear since I've been there 2 years. Nope- A new breed of idiot is created every day. And they ways seem to make their way to my office. LORDY!